Friday... oh yeah!

I am so unbelievably glad that it's Friday for many reasons.

1. Umm hello Friday is the best day of the week
2. I get off at 2:15 (I get my nails done before I start my new job Monday)
3. I am really excited to only be 2 days away from my new job
4. It's pizza night at the Smith house... oh how I love pizza
5. Tomorrow is Kaelynn's birthday (AKA Krystina's first birthday party for someone her age)
6. The Angels game - now as much as I don't particularly care for baseball I am using this as an excuse to look sexy as hell for my husband. Tight Angels shirt, tight jeans and pigtails... if I can't get into the game at least I can look good and maybe even take some of Grant's attention away from the Angels for a brief moment
7. Brunch with Bryan and Michelle on Sunday
8. BIGGEST THING - I have no major PLANS this weekend. Yes I am sure with 8 bullet points it may be hard to believe but all of these things are with my family and I love that. As much as I love my volunteer work I love my family more
9. Oh and I almost forgot, I get to meet with the OC Sexual Assault advocates to become part of the Clothesline Project (more about that later)

Last night I got to hang out with my nephews Riley and Gavin. Riley is 10 going on 25, he is hysterical. We had so much fun just laughing and giggling through his homework. I really enjoy spending time with him, he is a good kid. Gavin is 3 weeks old so he isn't quite as much fun but he is awesome to just snuggle and stare at. He is a really good baby, thank goodness he isn't all collicky like Kylie (my niece) was... she would just cry for hours.

I left there last night really wanting to have a baby, it's a weird feeling. When it came to adopting Krystina, it was more about her than it was about being a mom. It was more about giving her the best life, giving her a happy home and love... when it comes to wanting a baby, because it isn't born nor do I know it, it is more about all of the awesome stuff that goes along with bringing a life into this world. Every night Krystina asks God for a baby sister. Although I know she has no idea what she is doing or who she is talking to, it is bittersweet for me. I do want a baby and I know she will be a great big sister as she is QUITE the little helper, I do not want to let her down. I am sure that this asking is just a phase and she will probably forget about it by this time next week but I can't wait to make her a big sister.

There have been months throughout this process that I have felt like I wasn't worthy of a baby. Here are drug addicts, abusive people and kids getting pregnant and I can't. I am a great mommy (I think), married to the most amazing man, in a stable and loving environment and sometimes can't understand why God doesn't want us to have a baby. I know that I shouldn't question His plan but at times it's hard. Here's to prayer... that's all I can do.