Girls Night

After the last two weeks of being torn in different directions both mentally and physically I am getting to go to a girls night. Wow, I haven't been to one of these in awhile. I did go to the bachelorette party a few weeks ago but that was hardly what I had in mind for a girls night. I am just looking forward to a bit of mommy free time, a little bit of time with other girls to let my hair down a bit. I am a bit apprehensive because it's been a really long time since I had girl time. I did invite some friends over last summer, they spent the time texting each other and generally making me feel uncomfortable in my own home... so that was the final straw for me. I am really looking forward to tomorrow, even being nervous it will be a nice close to the week. I feel almost guilty wanting to go and honestly I am not sure if I can have fun without having my family around me. So much of who I am now is identifiable in being a mommy. There are times that I am home without Grant or Krystina and I almost don't know what to do. It's the weirdest feeling but I feel like I am letting them down if I am not home. I feel like I am letting Grant down, I feel like I am letting Krystina down too and that feeling kills me!

Grant will be home tonight. I am so excited to see him but I know that right now things are a bit weird with him. He thought I was upset last night and that wasn't the case. I just thought that if he promised to do something or promised to try that he really would. Maybe he did but he forgets that while he is playing with the boys up there I am home alone down here. If I am on the computer too much he says I am being a secret squirrel, if I am calling random people out of boredom he thinks that I miss my old life... nope, just BORED. That is another reason I am looking forward to tomorrow night... maybe I will meet new people and be able to do more when he is gone so I am not going stir crazy in the house. I know that I am a big baby but I have been in a real funk this week. I am weirded out by the Valerie visit, then my doctor changed my appt. that I have been waiting for, and then not being able to talk to Grant really about any of this has been really hard on me. I know that he is leaving for longer next month and I know that will be equally as hard but I seem to be more at ease when he is doing Army stuff because I know he can only call occasionally and I accept that more than feeling like he doesn't want to talk to me. My mind is whirling with all of the things that have happened the last 2 weeks, I have so much in my heart, so many things to say and I can't seem to get it out. I know that my husband loves me, I know that he wants to talk to me but I think he likes a little bit of freedom at times too. I love him so much.