HOLY BOREDOM!

Grant has been gone since Monday... once Krystina goes to bed the house is so freakin quiet it is depressing. By no means do I feel the need to be attached to Grant at the hip but I miss him when he isn't around. I guess I better get used to that since it's going to be a lot more in the near future. Krystina and I have so much fun when it's just mommy time, but I know that she misses her daddy too. I have had such a weird week and really am now sorting out who my true friends are. The last 18 months have been full of irritation and hurt when it has come to friends. There are several people in my life that I thought would be lifelong friends but have proved to be otherwise. I can only hope that the people that are in my life now will still be there in 10 years. I could never have imagined the people that have turned their back on me... now I don't know if it's because I am married, a mother, not modeling anymore or what but it is truly a hurtful thing. I have definitely grown because of it, I have learned to lean on my husband more, open up more to those in my life and have a level of emotion that I am not used to. I have spent more time in my adult life masking my true feelings, hiding behind my modeling and physical appearance before dealing with my thoughts and emotions. I think that being a parent has made me face my fears and feelings head on. To be honest, I am not a big fan of this however I know that it has to be done. I want to be the best mother that I can be and show her that you can be a woman with emotions and still be strong... you don't need to be a wall or shut out everyone else to get through life. See... too much thinking.