There are moments in your life that cause you to stop and smile, cry or just enjoy your surroundings. I have been thinking so much about my life, I have been thinking about my future, my past and my present. I have never been so happy and content in my life, I have never been so excited to wake up and start my day.
My past experiences have been wonderful, I have learned from them, grown because of them and will look back on my life with a sense of accomplishment. There were many moments that I couldn't wait to grow up, to be married, to be a parent... many moments that I enjoyed hanging out with my friends, many quiet moments to reflect on all that I had become and where I wanted to go. I have had low points too, but nothing to dwell on as every experience has made me who I am now.
My life as it is currently is pretty great. I have a husband that couldn't be more perfect for me, he is so much of what I need and the rest of what I want. He is an awesome father, a hard worker and is pretty easy on the eyes too. I have the perfect little princess. No matter how bad my day is, her little smile just brightens it up. yes being a parent has it's frustrating moments but the joy far outweighs is. Last night she sat in the car singing 'The Wheels on the Bus' and her favorite line was 'Daddies on the bus just talk talk talk, talk talk talk' I couldn't stop cracking up. That brings me to the future. The future looks very bright. Tomorrow is going to be the start of an official life together. Tomorrow will be a first and a last for my little family. Tomorrow is a day I never thought would come and here it is. After tomorrow maybe the next goal will be another addition to the Smith family...
I am never sure if we will chose to adopt or try for our own.. then the fear that I can't do it on our own. With so many people around me pregnant it is hard not to get scared. It's hard not to wonder what they did so right and I have done so wrong in God's eyes. I think that I am a really good person, I think that I live my life the right way. For years the thought of having a child naturally has been on the back burner because I wanted to adopt. I fell in love with that little girl the first time I saw her. Then again I never really had the yearning to give birth, I have always wanted to adopt. I would like to experience pregnancy with Grant, but I am not sure if it's because I need to or because I want him to have that experience. I am not sure that is an answer I will ever get. But why is it that I can go without any birth control and want to get pregnant by my husband, in the confines of a stable loving relationship and not get pregnant when virtually every unstable pot head couple, married or not, that I know can get pregnant without a problem... can someone give me an answer that goes beyond the cliche' "When it's meant to be". That answer gets no where and just shows me that people have ZERO clue what to say in the situation. Does this all mean that I am infertile, does it mean that Grant and I will have to experience the emotional roller coaster that is adoption... does it mean that noodle butt will be our only child. At this point I don't know..
I do know that I have an amazing little family that I love more than anything... that I know loves me with the same unconditional love.
My past experiences have been wonderful, I have learned from them, grown because of them and will look back on my life with a sense of accomplishment. There were many moments that I couldn't wait to grow up, to be married, to be a parent... many moments that I enjoyed hanging out with my friends, many quiet moments to reflect on all that I had become and where I wanted to go. I have had low points too, but nothing to dwell on as every experience has made me who I am now.
My life as it is currently is pretty great. I have a husband that couldn't be more perfect for me, he is so much of what I need and the rest of what I want. He is an awesome father, a hard worker and is pretty easy on the eyes too. I have the perfect little princess. No matter how bad my day is, her little smile just brightens it up. yes being a parent has it's frustrating moments but the joy far outweighs is. Last night she sat in the car singing 'The Wheels on the Bus' and her favorite line was 'Daddies on the bus just talk talk talk, talk talk talk' I couldn't stop cracking up. That brings me to the future. The future looks very bright. Tomorrow is going to be the start of an official life together. Tomorrow will be a first and a last for my little family. Tomorrow is a day I never thought would come and here it is. After tomorrow maybe the next goal will be another addition to the Smith family...
I am never sure if we will chose to adopt or try for our own.. then the fear that I can't do it on our own. With so many people around me pregnant it is hard not to get scared. It's hard not to wonder what they did so right and I have done so wrong in God's eyes. I think that I am a really good person, I think that I live my life the right way. For years the thought of having a child naturally has been on the back burner because I wanted to adopt. I fell in love with that little girl the first time I saw her. Then again I never really had the yearning to give birth, I have always wanted to adopt. I would like to experience pregnancy with Grant, but I am not sure if it's because I need to or because I want him to have that experience. I am not sure that is an answer I will ever get. But why is it that I can go without any birth control and want to get pregnant by my husband, in the confines of a stable loving relationship and not get pregnant when virtually every unstable pot head couple, married or not, that I know can get pregnant without a problem... can someone give me an answer that goes beyond the cliche' "When it's meant to be". That answer gets no where and just shows me that people have ZERO clue what to say in the situation. Does this all mean that I am infertile, does it mean that Grant and I will have to experience the emotional roller coaster that is adoption... does it mean that noodle butt will be our only child. At this point I don't know..
I do know that I have an amazing little family that I love more than anything... that I know loves me with the same unconditional love.
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