Yesterday was our final adoption hearing, the one that changes little one's legal name, her legal parents and gives us that final piece of mind. Sitting there in front of the judge was such a surreal moment, I can imagine it was much like seeing your baby the first time after you give birth. It's that moment when you realize that your child is here, you are a parent. I no longer have to list my relationship as 'Foster parent', I am now simply her mom. There hasn't been one time in the past 15 months that I have not felt like Krystina's mommy, but to the rest of the world I was simply a caregiver. Now that table is turned, now I am her mommy.... well still the caregiver but I am her mom. No more intrusive social workers confusing her, making her feel unstable.... no more court hearings or lawyers. She is our little girl.
When we walked into the court yesterday they handed Krystina a little bear, it was really cute and she has not been without it for a moment since. Then Grant and I had to raise our right hands and swear to treat her like our own (ummm isn't that what we should have been doing all along), that she was entitled to inheritance (ok, what are we the Hiltons!) and that we would always take care of her (again, should this not be a DUH statement). Of course we both said yes, then a few more questions making sure we understood what we signed and that was it. They even gave us a Family Membership certificate... a little cheesy but cute.
After all was said and done (I skipped all the crying parts in the story) I felt this strange calm. In September when Grant and I were married I felt this solidarity between us, the marriage bound us as a couple but yesterday bound us as a family. I now have that comfort that she is ours forever, that no one can take that from us. Yesterday was an amazing moment for The Smith family, the Bursley family and all extensions there of...
People often say that adopting is WAY easier than being pregnant. There is something said to that... true my skin shouldn't stretch (although mine did... too many meals), no morning sickness, no maternity clothes and there is no birthing process to worry about BUT I have spent the past 2 years on an emotional rollercoaster. In February 2006 this journey truly started for me. True, I met Krystina when she was just 8 months old and fell in love with her instantly then it wasn't until she went into foster care that I truly started this. I have been at the highest high and the lowest low. I remember my first call to her original social worker, they told me it was too early to think about adoption but they would let me know. 6 months later I got the call to do my fingerprinting and homestudy and it wasn't until almost 6 months after that Krystina moved in. Then the real rollercoaster began. All of the court hearings were just confusing and left you never knowing if her birth mother would come back. 2 days before Christmas 2006 her birth mother called, Krystina was asleep and the woman never called back. I was so scared that night... I sat and cried and cuddled her promising her that I would always love her. I have experienced every extreme during this last 15 months... I have felt more scared than I ever thought possible at any chance we would lose her, more joy than ever when I get to see her experience new things, cuddle or just hearing mommy... more saddness not knowing if I would even get her at all. I read a quote some where "You grew in my heart and not under it" and I have held that close to me since that day. It is true that she was a gift. We tell her that we chose her, that she is special because she is adopted. There is not a more true statement.
I am so blessed that I had Grant with me through this. He has kept me sane and level headed through this whole process. He swears that his faith has never waivered and that he always knew that the day would come that her adoption would be final. I can not remeber ever being that sure... I was always waiting for the other foot to drop. I broke down in court yesterday, feeling like this huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders... I am her mommy forever and no one can take this from me. Grant and I have had so many learning experiences through all of this, learning how to parent a 2 year old, how to make our family a unit. We did all of this while bumbling through our relationship, planning a wedding and learning about parenthood. Our adoption worker told both us and the judge that we were the fastest homestudy and adoption that she has done... Her words were "This is what happens when you have a motivated family". Nothing could be more the truth when you talk about the love of a child in The Smith family!
Now with this journey over, the new decision comes.... start the rollercoaster again now or wait.
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