Day 02 → Something you love about yourself

So this is more weekly than daily – sorry.

I love a lot of things about myself but what I love most is my strength. 8 years ago I left an abusive relationship and started a new life. 4 years ago I began a journey to adopt my beautiful daughter as a single parent. 3 years ago I married my best friend and the Army. 7 months ago my husband told me he would be leaving in 30 days for training and then a 13 month deployment to Iraq. Strength is just something I am and I am proud of my strength. It’s odd to talk about my feelings about… well myself. I can talk about most things pretty easily. I found this question to be a bit difficult but realized that my strength is what has kept me alive and moving forward. My strength led me to my amazing husband because Lord knows it took strength to enter into a relationship. It was my strength that allowed me to KNOW I could move forward in adopting without a partner… it’s my strength that is getting me through each day the wife of a deployed soldier… and it’s my strength that keeps me from snapping off to some idiot that asks me things such as “Aren’t you afraid he is going to get killed?” or “Do you miss him?” or my personal favorite “How do you do this?” Lets see… yes, I am terrified that the love of my life and my soul mate will be injured but I have faith in the Lord that nothing will happen. We have both been through our share of heartache and crap, nothing is going to stop me from sharing my life with him! Do I miss him? Yes, like I would miss my right arm if it were suddenly taken away. I miss little things like his smell, the smell of oversprayed Axe body spray in my bathroom every morning… and the big things like his arms wrapped around me at the end of a long day or his kiss before bed every night. How do I do this… oh yes HOW. Well moron, the better question is: How could I NOT do this? This is my husband not my neighbor, I love him more than anything… we have vows, and a relationship. We have a future. See… strength not to backhand stupid people. Haha.


Until next time.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I know I said I would start the next day but hey... I have 3 blogs, an online newspaper column, a 6 year old and a deployed husband... along with a full time job SO... sometimes I am a little behind.

Something I hate about myself...

I can’t really say that I HATE anything about myself… I dislike that I hate putting laundry away to the point that it just piles up clean in buckets, I dislike doing dishes, I dislike that I look at myself being about 50lbs heavier than I really am. Ok… so I guess I hate that about myself. I hate that I put such an emphasis on being thin. That my life revolves around what I eat and how… that I freak if I gain a single pound! I hate that I am miserable looking at my self in a swimsuit right now because I am not in impeccable shape, mind you I weigh 127lbs. I have not been able to make it to the gym consistently since Grant deployed and have gained a few inches. I hate it and cry... then drown my sorrows in dark chocolate. Yep, I have eating issues. I think I would binge and purge if I didn't mind the throwing up part. I just binge... it's sad and pathetic. I know this, I accept this and I work on it but it's a flaw.

We are back!

Wow... so it's been 13 crazy months since I last posted. So much has happened that a recap would take days so lets just say its a little different.
1 - Grant is deployed
2 - Krystina is in the 1st Grade
3 - I am working for Apria Healthcare, still volunteering and am not Mrs. Orange County but am NOW Mrs. Southern California United States

That covers the major things!

I found a new blog a few days ago, and she posted a new '30 Days of Me' challenge.

So here is the deal.
Everyday for 30 days, I will answer the corresponding question provided below.

I looked over these questions, and some made me very nervous!

I will do my best to answer these fully and honestly as close to daily as possible... starting tomorrow.

Here is the list:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Here we go....

More time... some catch up

The Family at my Grandma's 80th surprise party My 30th birthday in classic 80's style!
The garage project... this is the start of it


ALWAYS looks worse before it gets better.

Krystina eating her first sushi roll!

Today I am sitting her missing my husband like crazy and feeling like I am going crazy! I decided to dive into cleaning the garage... WAY underestimated the project! My allergies went berserk and NOTHING is making them better, even a drive.

So I took a little nap then we were off to a birthday party, I didn't buy the stupid gift yet so off to Target we go... boogery child in tow. Does she think that I WANT to go to this party, her attitude isnt helping and truth be told if I hadn't RSVP'd we wouldn't be in the car... so 45 minutes later we are at the party and here we go.... I go in and check in for a party that.... ISN'T UNTIL TOMORROW! Yep, wrong day... so I feel like crap, smile and leave. I am sure the 16 year olds trying to check me in assumed I was a total moron but whatever.

Headed home I decide on Pizza Hut for dinner, maybe I feel so bad because I am lacking carbs. Can't be PMS, of course not I refuse to blame my 'mood' on PMS. It hit the spot... home to do a bit more garage cleaning. Right now everything is seperated into 3 sections, my projects, selling and donating... whatever is still there Tuesday is ALL getting donated. I forgot what it would look like to have a car in there, ha ha.

BEEN QUITE SOME TIME!

WOW... it seems that it's been forever since I sat down to write anything, heck I can't even remember writing my name!

Krystina is doing amazing... she is in gymnastics and absolutly loving it. She does it once a week through her preschool, which will mean in a few weeks when she starts the summer program at her kindergarten we will have to pay seperatly for it but to see her excitement it's toatlly worth it. I love that she wants to do something athletic! We recently went in for her 5 year old appointment... WOW aren't those fun! Shots and comparing your child to every other child that is the same age. I mean, REALLY! I don't look like 'most people' my age and I am sure my height and weight are a bit different but I don't think that any adult would want to hear that. My little bug is in the 95% for her height but 85% for her weight... so she is a stocky kid. I will not put my FIVE YEAR OLD on a diet nor will I even entertain that idea. Anyone that knows me knows how I eat... and it's a far cry from unhealthy. BLAH!

Last weekend, May 16, I placed 1st runner up and won the Civic Award for my community service in the Mrs. California United States Pageant. My husband, daughter, mother in law, brother in law and wife... cousin and boyfriend... and coach were all in attendance. I really wanted to win, I can be honest. No one competes to lose, lets get real While it was an aweseom experience and again I met some of the most interesting women ever, I still REALLY wanted to win... but there is always next year as I did win interview so that is pretty cool!

Yesterday was a wonderful holiday with my family. With having both a soldier and a retired veteran (my father in law) both in the family I have a new found love of Memorial Day as more than just a Monday off work. Watching them both stand up and be recognized at the Angel game last night brought tears to my eyes. I am so proud of Grant and proud to be that soldiers wife.

Well... I guess that is the readers digest catch up... although FULL of ADD it helps. I will go back to writing more... it just seems that my Mrs. OC blog gets updated WAY more often.

My angel's 5th bithday!

Krystina's 5th birthday was a huge milestone for her and us. Our little noodle amazed us with her manners and her humility. She was so excited that all her family and her friends were there is was very heartwarming... 50+ people was a lot for mommy to handle but I felt very blessed. My parents were in town celebrating their 30th anniversary so they were able to bundle it together and come. This was really the first time K invited her little friends from school... it was tons of fun.

A fight and some clarity

This last few weeks has been very trying for me and for us. Just life, in all it's glory, gets to me sometimes. I start feeling like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Grant and I keep saying that we should be stress free with the recent financial events in our life however I almost feel more stressed than ever. Sadly even the two of us have been fussing a bit with all of the 'moving parts' in our lives. Grant has been working a swing shift (4-midnight) for the better part of the last month and sadly his only weekend days off have been for drill. Swings are really tough on us because we have to rely on technology for communication. Everything we coordinate or say is via text, email or on the phone as there is only about 1/2 a day that he and I see each other...Krystina is a whole other issue. So due to this I start feeling like I can't handle it all because I am a people pleaser and I want to ensure that Grant is happy all of the time... yes I know it's impossible but it's who I am. I know that I am messy and my laundry gets completed on a rare occasion but it's mainly because I am so overwhelmed and exhausted mentally and physically by the time Krystina goes to bed that I just veg and then fall asleep.

Anyhow... last night after I met with my pageant coach we were particularly fussy. (Backstory: I thought I told him that my parents and their dog were staying with us tonight, apparently he didn't know and then last night he tried to get home before I left so I could eat with them but I didn't have time... I know story of my life) In the midst of our conversation I was able to verbalize something that I have been thinking for so long. I spent the better part of my adult life not being truly happy or content with my life. I did the marriage thing young and that ended so badly, and truth be told my contentment issues and happiness issues started long before that relationship, but my issues continued through all of my relationships and jobs and modeling... it wasn't until I met Grant and we got Krystina that I found a sense of peace that I had longed for. I explained how I can go from totally mad at night to calm and peaceful and loving in the morning regardless of my conviction the previous night. I realize that even though I get frustrated, annoyed, angry and irritated with my husband and my daughter... I am blessed that I have the two of them to be that way at. I get annoyed at picking up clothes or having to repeat myself 12 times (apparently I speak too quickly) but at least I have a family to have these issues.

This weekend is Krystina's birthday party... we kept saying we were keeping it small... UMMM RIGHT! I believe we have a total of 50 people confirmed, yep and 14 of those are kids. Tonight my parents are coming into town, I am making ice cream cone cupcakes tonight as well as getting the rest of the decorations I may be missing. Krystina is SO excited about the cupcake ice cream cones... it's really cute. I was going to make them for everyone but to be honest I am not making and frosting 50 of these buggers so the adults can have sheet cake... ha ha.

My pageant is in 3 weeks and I feel incredibly confident. Last night I met with a pageant coach to help with my interview, she gave me a bunch of homework to do before we meet again. I have my swimsuit, my suit is in the mail, my opening number dress just needs to be hemmed... my gown is perfect. Things are going to be great! So far on hair, nails and wardrobe I have spent less than $300... who says you can't do a pageant on a budget, you just need to know where to look. By the way most people spend $500-$1000 just on their gown, $125 + on a designer swimsuit, opening number dresses typically start at $100... just to give you a brief glimpse.

My opening number gown... we are cutting it off at the knees and making it a cocktail dress. It's is solid red beading... it's going to look awesome on stage! $10

My suit courtesy of MetroStyle.com $39.99My swimsuit from Victoria's Secret - $30

My gown handmade by my amazing mother in law